Tree Thoughts

"Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." -JK Rowling Rock bottom is a place no one ever wants to hit, and honestly, what you think is rock bottom may not even be rock bottom and you're just experiencing things under an entirely different light. The amazing thing about hitting rock bottom though is that you can only go up from there and you definitely have come to realize that there's so much more to be grateful for instead of dwelling in a stage you should try to get out of as soon as you can. Lately I've come to learn a few things about myself. Sometimes, I'm pretty selfless. But most times, I can be a little too selfish. I mean, it's really okay to be selfish. You can inhibit a lifestyle in such a way where you put yourself first - which is good - but there's also times where you should be selfless and put others before yourself. The difficult thing though is.. WHEN do I act these ways? WHEN is such a difficult question to come around because you never know when it's right to put yourself before others, or when to put others before yourself. You definitely need a balance between the two, but how much of a balance is needed to really feel satisfied with things? These days, I've felt so reliant on others to help me get out of the rut I've been going through. Trust me, I'm super glad to have these people in my life to help me guide me when they have witnessed me when I'm at the lowest of my lows, but sometimes there comes a time where you realize something that kind of switches your mindset on things. One day, I'm going to have to be independent in my own thinking, my own decisions, my own opinions, my own life. I can't be so dependent on other people to help me with my daily struggles and I need to learn that sometimes all you really need to do is be your own best friend. IT SOUNDS WEIRD, but ... it kind of helps. Take care of yourself the way you would take care of your best friend. Love yourself the way you think your best friend should be loved. Treat yourself the way you would want your best friend to be treated. As a Christian, building my foundation as a person has been extremely difficult. It's hard being a Christian sometimes - scratch that - all the time. I always feel like I need to live up to something, but it has come to the point where everyone works at their own pace. I've come to live by the quote "there's a time and place for everything", and there really is. Good things can happen at the bad time, and bad things can happen at a good time. It all just comes to perspective and how you choose to view things. Building a foundation doesn't happen overnight. You'll always have a basic blueprint of what this foundation would look and portray as, but everyday something is either added, removed, or altered to this basic foundation to make you, you. Whatever it is that's bothering you, just live your life out and experience as much as you can. It's better to regret the things you've done, than to regret not taking a chance.

Ticking Away

I hate time. It acts as a constraint to achieve the things you want, to do the things you need, to stay on top of things to keep your productive, and just overall stresses you out even more. But just because we hate something, doesn't mean we have the power to make it go away. Time is everything, which is why one of my new years resolutions is to find time to make time. Finding time isn't done for everything through. I want to make time to allow myself to grow spiritually stronger to help me achieve my other new years resolutions. Seeing how specific and personal these resolutions are for myself, I'll keep this general to know that my spirituality and faith are my top priorities from here on out. I've come to realize that there are things that makes me genuinely happy but I haven't been doing it on a daily basis, so I started to reconsider if this act brought me passion, or just temporary happiness. I read through all my blogs from September and saw that there was a central idea of "happiness". It's a difficult journey, but it's a journey worth going through.

Retention vs. Recognition

There are things we retain and things we recognize. Gaining retention is when you continually possess something, and gaining recognition is a means of identification. We all have things that we retain mentally that we wish we would just go away. This only gets worse when recognition beats retention and throws off your mental and emotional stability. There comes a point when you have to acknowledge that everything you do, everything you say, and everything you think isn't always a choice. It will always be present. Sometimes the worst can get to you and you start to register more of your negative retention span. Sometimes the best can get to you, but it doesn't necessarily mean you'll get the best results. This is what I've learned. Lately, I've come to understand that it is easy to focus so much on the negatives and completely ignore the blessings that come into your life everyday because your eyes have developed to only see the bad things that happen. This is unhealthy and this isn't the way you should allow yourself to develop as a person. Everyday you are going to learn something, whether you like it or not. Everyday you are going to face the risk of possibly doing something wrong and messing things up to the point it affects your emotional health. Everyday you run the risk of doing something harmful. But in the end, there are no regrets, only lessons learned. Recognition has been engraved into our minds that it is such a positive thing, but be careful of how you really use recognition. How you handle your personal retention is how you ultimately develop in this modern society and reflects what your morals are. What you retain is not always good, but how you recognize it shows what kind of person you are.